The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize