sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
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