anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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