Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
