saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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