just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
