What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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