fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
