i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
