good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
