walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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