My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
