i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
