There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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