the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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