laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
