I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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