i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
