i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
