So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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