You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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