dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just had sex on a roof
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize