I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
