I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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