dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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