There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
