Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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