You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
