yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
