So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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