I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
