Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
