i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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