Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize