i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
