he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
