Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
