i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
