You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
