We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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