Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Randomize
