i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
