You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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