I showed him my bush... on skype.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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