I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Randomize