She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
