Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
