Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
