I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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