but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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