Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
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My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize