my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
