After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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