So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
