I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
