you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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