the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
