Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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