he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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