They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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