you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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