I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
