Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
