i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
