see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
