The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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