Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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