Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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