Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
