I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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