Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
