If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize