quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
