Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
