id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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