Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
