I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
If I die, sorry about rent.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize