I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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