stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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