How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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