soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
