five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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