it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
